Recently there have been some changes to my eating choices. For one, I started eating pizza. I remembered early in 2013 I was really restricting my food intake and I would crave pizza so much, then I stopped restricting myself and I never crave pizza again. And then I was vegan for about a year and a half, during that time I never had pizza, I remembered several occasions there is pizza in front of me but I just don’t want to eat it, it feels really greasy and I felt like I wouldn’t enjoy it. Then a few days ago, I was babysitting for my advisor, he had ordered pizza for us. I started to know that the little boy really like pizza, and they would have pizza about once a week. At that point, I haven’t had pizza for a long long time, and I don’t crave that at all. But the day before I went to their house, I was actually quite anticipating it. Not so much about the pizza, but the atmosphere of me eating a pizza with the kids of my advisor casually. It just feels really relaxed and chilled and fun. And that day I had 4 slices, didn’t exactly feel that it was the best thing in the world, but still quite a fun experience eating take out with kids.
Then came the app that I have on my phone, pocket points, you gain points by not using your phone when you are at school. I had so many points. And I get coupons of free 3 cheezer bread from Hungry Howie. Then it somehow became a weekly thing. And I kind of didn’t feel bad about it. Plus, the pizza lady was so nice to me every time when I was there. It was not so much the pizza, but the fact that Oh I am taking out pizza and that’s so fun! type of thing.
Similar situation with chips, I actually started eating some potato chips, which I think I haven’t had for years. For the longest time, it was just so out of the equation, that I didn’t think I would enjoy it.
Then the other day I had some chocolate chip cookie, which again, I haven’t had for long time, coz I was thinking it’s just bunch of sugar, how good is that gonna taste. Boy was I wrong, it was just the kind of warming feeling that I get, not so much the cookie itself.
So at first, I was feeling like this looks kind of like a slack. But then I start to think, when I was really small, I had these things, I had ice cream a lot, I had chips sometimes, those things somehow became labeled “unhealthy” later in life. And I start to realize that it might be a little unhealthy if I keep it too healthy too clean. Why not free all the labeling and just enjoy what I want for once.
Sometimes when I get insecure about my body, like “oh look at your belly”, I then quickly stopped there and told myself “so what, this is natural and this is me. I am strong and healthy. Don’t mind what others think.” I think self love came with age, many may struggle early in their life, but later as they learned more about themselves and the world around them, it might become a part of them. I think it has been an issue for me, but this has been one of the focus that I want to work on for myself for the near future.