Easily brain-washed generation

I remembered some time ago I saw a youtube ad with a person claiming to rise from nobody to a man who owns so much. I finished the ad, then I was lead to a website, basically he was trying to sell his program. I was trying to decide whether to buy it. So I googled the review for that, turned out that man is a scam. And sure I kept receiving sales emails from him after I put my email in not really thinking about what it would mean.

I was just shocked by the fact that I am so easily baited. I was that close to buying the program, and when I think about it, you could feel the salesperson tone for this man, which is quite obvious.

I guess it is because I am so eager to be happy, be content with myself, achieve great things and do what I love and earn money. Everything I could have ever possibly want. And when you are desperate and eager, you become the easy bait.

People are looking forward to life hacks, “if you eat this diet, you will lose 10 pounds in one week.” “If you read this book, it will change your life and you will become rich.””If you do my meditation program, you will find your inner peace and be mindful in your daily life.”

But no, it doesn’t work that way.

I found people on social media who only eat fruits, “fruitarian”, I found people who eat a huge amount of rice. I know people who are on banana island. I follow them, finding myself to love those things more because all those fancy people are eating them. Coconut sugar? Well freelee eats it so it must be good.

I remembered I don’t eat a lot of potatoes before I went vegan, I thought they are empty calories. I don’t eat much rice either. Coz carbs are bad, right? Now I feast on them. Mind can change, big time.

Now I recognize those moments of me wanting the same things that others are eating or using. I paused, asked myself why, then the eagerness subside. It is human nature, I just need to recognize it, watch it come, wait for it to go. I need more thinking in for my easily-washed brain.

I was feeling a little stressed lately. After I came to the states and started celebrating the Thanksgiving and Christmas, I have always been not so happy when November and December comes around.

One reason is that I eat more when winter comes and the weather is colder, it results in weight gain, it leads to my stress. Two, i guess it is the time that you review your year and look forward to the next year, and I am more of a person to find faults with myself rather than make peace and praise my achievements.

I was just about to say that: oh boy, finally this year I am free of holiday stress!!! But no it came on as a blow.

During a previous post I talked about how I hided my identity as a vegan for quite some time since I became one around May. Then I met another vegan and we talked about how we are dealing with our identity issues. We don’t want to be a pain-in-the-butt-hard-to-please vegan. We thought we are putting stress on others. But at the end of the talk I realized that I need to change the situation and then I did. I opened up and started opening up to my close friends that I made my choice to become a vegan.

Since that, I have friends who didn’t react much, they are not close friends to be honest, but I just appreciate the fact that they don’t judge, at least in front of me and I felt like I am making my own choices and it doesn’t bother them. I have friends who tried to deny the cruelty that is happening in animal agriculture, he said what I saw is the worst of all, but not all slaughterhouse is like that. I felt like this is not even the logic, and I didn’t really defend. I have friend who is a little bit concerned that I might be deficient in some nutrients if I don’t eat meat, but they agreed on the possibility of eating less meat. After all, my boyfriend has been really supportive all the way although he has no intention whatsoever to become a vegan himself. I stopped cooking meat for him and he is OK with that.

Then I had a nightmare of losing all my teeth one by one and holding them in my mouth. I had the same dream one time before, it was just miserable. Such a long and vivid dream. My father was in it, my mom, my sister. But no one really helped me take care of my teeth, they just kept eating their dinner. And I was trying to be considerate and not causing any trouble for them by holding all my fallen teeth in, waiting for them to finish their meal and attend to me.

Losing teeth is a sign of stress and drastic changes in life. Since I opened up about my identity, I was trying to be a “better” vegan. I was about to buy some dark chocolate then decided no, because there is milk in it. I was thinking what would people think when I am not as skinny as other ambassadors for vegan. I can’t get ill after I become vegan, people would blame veganism for this. I shouldn’t be unhappy with myself or my life coz if I am eating all the right food what could go wrong. I should bring some really fancy looking food to potlucks because if I just bring potatos and carrots curry that I eat all the time, people would think vegan are boring.

Truth is, expectations just lead to disappointment. And vegan is not the final answer like if I got it correct then I got everything fixed. It is not the magic pill. You are still a human, you get ill, your mood changes. And the best thing I can do is to be myself. And that would be the best representation.

After all, it is my life, my body. And it is what I perceive my body and my life that is important. And there is so much more to being vegan than food, there is so much on being compassionate for all beings. It is love.

Peace, plants, namaste.







Picture bomb situation


Purple rice sushi with sweet potato and hummus.


Homemade sourdough muffin with curry.


Fried rice with all the vegetables you can eat!


Chow Mien.


Indian Buffet. Need I say more?


Best desert ever!!!


Dinner plate.


Sprouting some mung beans!


Some sriracha? Yes!!!


Banana Icecream~


Mungbean sprouts!!


Traditional spring burrito with homemade naan bread.


Just take a moment and adore the bagel.


Present from heaven, young coconut.


Sunset in Destin.


You jump, I jump.


Green Smoothie. Morning Glory.


Look at the colors of my dinner plate!


My best sourdough loaf so far!!!


weekly update–mental state and others

Just a few weeks ago, I was having some major body image issues. I put on a few pounds from the trip back to China, and after I got back I didn’t get back to my previous weight as I have imagined. I feel like I was bloating all the time. I start to accept it as it is and the bloating gets a little better now, and I just found out that it could be due to the transition to a high carb low fat diet. Too much water and fiber is going in. I guess I start to take my body as it is. I am just supposed to be like this. I love the fact that I can bike for 3h, run for 1 or 2h, swim for 1h. I just like that my body can do the endurance sports like this. I love my body for this.

This week I got my period, not so much mood swings as usual. I have increased my meditation time to about half an hour each session. On days that I don’t swim in the morning, I would sit and meditate to start the day.

Another thing is I started to drink a liter of water before having breakfast. This has helped tremendously with my morning bowel movement. Another thing I realized is that I drink 2L of water in the morning and the rest of the day I don’t really drink much.

I finally got out of the closet and told my friend that I am vegan. My fiancee has a lot of support for me, I feel safe and supported and loved. I am not sure about my friends’ feeling at the moment. My fiancee told me he thought I was trying to convince others to go vegan. I actually was. It might be too much to take in. But at least I made the first step. I think it is good to be open about it. But I have to be careful not to intimidate them. It sounds like restriction. No meat, no milk, no egg, no butter, no cheese. But actually I think it is abundance. You got to eat all the vibrant vegetables and fruits and grains and nuts. I can eat however much I want. And I feel good after each meal. I don’t have heartburn anymore.

I feel peaceful during the day, maybe it is due to the meditation. Maybe it is just I start to love myself a little bit more. Don’t be too hard on myself. Chill. Breathe. I think it might be the first time that I experience this kind of peacefulness.

I sent a friend away, before she left I went to her pole dancing graduation. I was blown away by her. I have been to a class before with her, she has curves and not much dancing experience, so I can see that it is hard for her. But after 6 months, I still see the girl with curves, but have put in so much to get to where she is now. She has so many bruises on her knees from the floor work, also on top of her feet, between her legs. I am just beyond astonished. During her dance, for one part, she tried to do the headstand for 7 times before she finally made it. Everyone was shouting and cheering so loud for her, it is just awesome.

I find that very impressive and encouraging. I am so proud of her. Other girls have smooth moves, but my friend’s performance took my breath away. Now I want to do pole dance again.

Workwise, experiments are going well, I have printed my poster for a symposium next week. Lots of things done, I can’t complain.

2h video chatting with my parents. From microbiom of our body to making curry for a bridal shower, from how we perceive money, work and job to AirBnB. It was great talking to my folks.

Happiness and peacefulness starts from within.


Vegan meets vegan

The other day I was posting some yummy food pics to my instagram, and for the first time, someone left a comment. It was a colleague.

First off, I don’t have friends as my followers in instagram. I just chose not to, because to me, it is more like: “Oh, you don’t know me in any way, but still appreciates my photos, your thumbup must mean something.” But if it is other type of social media where I have my friends on, I always feel that I have to give a thumb up whenever they post something to just show my support. I get this feeling all the time, so I basically quit posting on those types of social media.

The colleague asked: are you a HCLF (High Carb Low Fat) Vegan? Have you tried adding mango to your nicecream?

I was so surprised! And yesterday we met at work, and we talked about our journey to veganism, how we deal with our non-vegan fiancees, how we tried to convince our family into the same lifestyle.
Then she asked the question: Have you told anyone or tried to convince other people to go vegan? I was like, no! the only people that know this are my fiancee, my parents, and 3 friends.

When I eat out at parties, I just don’t eat meat, but no one really realized that. And I don’t tell most of my friends because It is almost like I am a little embarrassed. I know there would be some confused eyes and many more questions to come. In my culture, it is normal to eat meat. And I clearly remembered the way I thought about vegetarians and vegans before myself went vegan. I thought they are strange, or picky snobs.

Truth is, Instagram don’t need another newbie vegan to spread other more vegan messages. But I do think my friends and family could use more of these knowledge. I feel that many are just not ready to make the changes, like my fiancee. I tried to give him facts and he is like, I just don’t care that much. Or I should say he just intentionally ignored those facts.

On instagram, all those vegans are so shining and fabulous and they are happy and healthy. But the place that I am in, I am almost ashamed of my choice.

Something needs to change.


Journey to oneness

Your refuge is not in the externalized anipulation of hte circumstances that present themselves to you.

Your refuge can only be your own selfhood.

That’s the only place where the ultimate experience of inner peace for which you yearn so deeply, can be found.

From <Oneness>.

Many times, I found myself wanting to escape. Wanting to spend the weekend in Destin for example. I do enjoy the peaceful afternoons lying on the beach, but I found myself so irritable even on the drive back home. I guess it means that putting yourself in a situation that is peaceful doesn’t solve the problem. It is your heart that needs the peace.

The other day as I was taking a walk into the park behind our apartment, I saw a friend studying by the lake. It was such a serene scene to look at. Then I realized that, I don’t have to drive 2.5h to find my peacefulness. It is right around the corner. And Meditation is just like a preparation for all the hectic things that are happening in my life, and in my mind. I will center myself and breath in deeply when I found the monkey inside my head starts running around again. Just tell myself that it is OK, It is not you. It is only your thoughts. It is only your emotion. Don’t panic, It is gonna be OK.

And at the end of the day, I just think to myself, this is what I contribute today. There is no regret, no shame, just what I can do and what I did. And I will give all of that to something bigger than myself. And I am detached from them all.