Do’nut worry, be Happy—–My journey from binge eating to intuitive eating

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I got these two beautiful donuts from a local donut shop, they make their donuts fresh everyday. Red velvet caky one and a snickers yeast donut. JB likes them. I have to say when I taste the red velvet I can’t really tell what flavor that is, it just tastes like donut, maybe it is form the frosting. I really like the flaming red color! Snickers one, doesn’t that look great! Oh all that crushed nuts on there!

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I also got a medium iced coffee. Hands down my favorite iced coffee. First sight love. See I love this no brand iced coffee from a local store. This donut shop also has T-shirts that they sell that says ” Do’nut worry, be Happy”.

I really want to take the time and reflect on my weight loss/fitness/recovery from binge eating journey.

When I came down here to Tallahassee, I weighed myself to 170lb. Now I am a 140lb.

In 2013, I was losing a lot of that “superfacial” weight, I would guess mostly water by running almost everyday on the school track on a hooot summer day. I remembered restricting my diet and also clearly about my binge eating. I would eat 3 bagels with PB on top after my breakfast. I would put PB on Nilla and eat a whole bunch, I would finish up a bag of Cheezit in 2 sitting. Mostly my binge eating happens in the morning when my boyfriend is still asleep as I was doing the morning exercise. I cried a lot back then. When I binge I find everything in sight, bars, chocolates, fruits, dates, yogurt. I don’t even enjoy eating them. Although I was having progress in losing weight, I did really struggle with binge eating almost every other week and I was having issues with not getting periods on time. I crave oily Chinese buffets and pizza, a lot. I think it is because of the deprivation.

In 2014, I started off again after I rested for a while to get my period back on track and I started training for a 5K in the department. I was my first race experience ever. I ended up finishing 31’50”. My friend and I decided to go for a half marathon after this in NOLA in November, so 2014 is just prepping for the half. I was doing 2 times exercise every day. Workouts to videos like Insanity or T25 in the morning, runs around noon or in the afternoon according to my training plan. I was looking lean. Many people told me that I am shedding a lot of weight. And just around September, I joined a chatting group and they really advocate eating well, not depriving yourself, and taking care of yourself, and not screwing up your periods. They advocate doing things slow, they are anti-nofoodbeforehand-cardio. This concept is new to me and I quickly let that sink in. I started EATING A LOT. All sort of healthy though, I have extremely big breakfasts, but the good thing is I am not craving that much, not really anything coz I was getting a lot of food from my meals, and I have a perfect excuse to eat more since I was also lifting weights. The half marathon in November was a blast, after that all I remember is misery. Coz there are friends who say that I am getting fatter and I literally hadn’t stopped exercise or anything, it was just that I was eating too much. And as I look back, winter time sure is a time prone for fear and regret and self-loathing, especially combined with an after-race-blue. Suddenly the goal in my life disappeared and with the year ending, I wasn’t happy with myself, though I know I really have accomplished something big, a half marathon, and much less frequent binge eating episodes. Anyway 2014 started off quite well, but ended on a bad note.

In 2015, I shook it off start from the beginning. Started back to running. Decided to go for a marathon. Started the training, learned more about marathon training, fueling my body, and slowly converting to a vegetarian. I am feeling good, for once in my life, I started to care about my own opinions. I put on a dress on my birthday, I wasn’t going to, but JB insisted coz he likes it. Then I didn’t really get good feedback from other friends but WTH, I don’t care, or better way to put it: I Shouldn’t care. I tried to convince myself on this. The fact is I have lost 10 pounds, but who knows, only you yourself knows and my dear JB knows what I am going through. I think it is the point after I pay more attention to my feeling after I eat something, I figured it is the meat that is making me sick and heartburn. Then I really started working for a better speed, and with that I also tried finding more information and learning about replenishing my body, how the glycogen works when I do endurance long runs. I can see that I am getting stronger everyday. Last month I ended up with glorious 105 mi in my Nike+, and I am feeling good. I will decide on what to eat and whether to eat it before just going for it. I am eating more veggies, less meat, less diary and this works for me, almost instantly I can see my triceps, before I had to flex so hard to see them, now with less body fat, they are more evident. Big shout out to several things: advanced marathoning, the oatmeal.

I am not sure what is to come next, but I am a little more confident now that I have seen both worlds. Now I have more faith in what I can achieve, it is in my blood, I can feel it. Let’s see how this goes.

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