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Dream big, start from small.

The heart knows what I am truly passionate about. I want to do things related to fitness. I am not sure what yet. But I know this is my passion. I will find out. In the meantime, I will just do my thing, improve myself, and see what signs life is giving me. I have started meditation in the morning. 30 days challenge as I wrote on my diary. This is not as serious as exercising in my mind. Doing exercise is already set in my life. It will always be there. But this meditation thing, it doesn’t seem as important in the back of my head. Still I would love to spend 10 lovely minutes as the first thing in the morning, I believe this will do me good. We shall see.

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Let’s just take a moment and admire the size of the watermelon! So refreshing after cooling in the fridge.

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Miss Period has visited eventually so I am gonna treat her well. This eight goodies porridge is so good, warming, filling, nutritious.

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This is my dose of breakfast. got to have greens, eggs and some carbs!

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Sky looks like heaven, I hope my dear friend is there too.

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Blueberry season! Finally I can afford them!

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JB is the best, although not a few minutes passed after this pic was taken, I was irritated by him. Now I start to realize how we complement each other. I was so short-tempered, it is not good I know, but JB is always gentle and patient with me. At points when I thought he could almost get furious, he surprised me with his jokes.

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I just learned the notion, I can never recover from binge eating. I can only be called “recovering”. Really, there is no static state, you are either working towards better control, or you might slip back to the binge state. It is always a balance of forces. I have stopped exercise for a week and I start to feel that the Blerch inside me is coming in full force. Had one plate more than I should. Well well well, buffet is always good practice.

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I was craving the banana bread that I made, so had them in the perfect Saturday morning. In the wee hours. It turns out the muffin is better. Convinced myself that for the run later, I shouldn’t eat more than this.

As long as I am doing something that puts me nearer to my goals. I am all down. Life is short, do things that I love.

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Not PMS, not yet a period.—–Listen to your body closely.

So I want to start the blog by saying that I GOT MY PERIOD BACK!

Well it is the I-ran-too-much-that-Miss P says-Catch up later! kind of situation. When I look back, I have always have some sort of period problems on and off every now and then. I remembered back in college when I was really pushing it to lose some pounds, I would run even during period and not eating much for dinner and such. And while I was preparing for application of US graduate schools, I was under extreme pressure and not sleeping enough that I lost my period for a whole 3 months. I was crying a lot during that time. Then after I came to U of Illinois, I was really low in mood and binge eating for quite a while, gained huge weight, and while trying to sweat it off, I drank a lot of Puer tea, which is supposed to help cleanse off oil that you eat. I drank so much and made the tea so strong that it messed with my period. Then I moved to Florida, and things start to look up and the cycle has been around 40 days, not ideal but pretty consistent. I started trying to lose weight again by doing Insanity, guess it is too heavy for my body at that time, period stopped for a while. Then I told myself I should take it slow, and I started eating to my heart’s content. This really helps a lot, I remembered I was not craving anything because I was eating a lot. And I noticed starting from then, my period got back on track to about 30 days per cycle. I was so happy.

Then I started the marathon training, and the milage went up to 30 miles per week, I was using coffee as a pre-work out and I was really killing every single run. I would say to myself, Push! Push! You are not gonna die if you raise the speed up for the last mile! As it turned out, of course I would not die, but my body is definitely saying no by taking Miss P away. Many would gain weight during marathon training, because of the mindset of “oh I just ran 20 miles I can eat whatever I want”, I made cautious choices and only take in what is best for my recovery. I switched to most veggies and almost no meat for better runs. This turned out, my body doesn’t like. I was changing too much in too short amount of time. After realizing this, I bumped up calorie intake, intentionally eat more, stopped workouts, and Thank God I GOT MY PERIOD BACK yesterday!!

Lesson learned, I will treat yo well, my dear body. I will not try to kill you but care for you. Weight loss and fitness is a life long process, increase slowly, only do what you can do for the rest of your life. I am not into losing huge amount of weight in extreme short time, your body is not supposed to work like way. Take it easy, it is a lifestyle, I have faith that I would slowly but steadily transform to what I want to be. Now game plan changed, I will have new goals instead of finishing the marathon training 2015.

Now Food Pics!

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Watermelon are in season! SO SO GOOD! Use your spoons! Scoop em out!!

Random selfie of my last workout. WOD. it was awesome!

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Boyfriend made this Gong Pao chicken. peanuts not so crispy in there but started to love them as I eat. There is a little chef in JB. Absolutely.

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My efforts to get period back! There is the ginger black sugar date tea. Real strong. Added eggs back to my diet, got to load with that banana bread right there! Butta, sugar, everything! Granola, with all that protein and healthy fat.

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This healthier version of banana bread with coconut oil is actually real good! I can now add this recipe to my little book. Summer’s approved. Also got to have me some patched ice cream.

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Since we bought more lettuce this week, JB requested another layer of them outside the breakfast burrito. Then is the fried noodles! Oh boy how I love my noodles!!!

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Lab coordinator brought in left over cake from Publix, oh everything chocolate please!!! Oil showered noodles on the right. Made by JB with love, amount for 3.

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Date with microscope on Saturday and today too, with The Rich Roll Podcast going on the background, not so shabby, not at all.

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Pig foot! Throws in pressure cooker for 25min with all that spices, Oh So Good!! JB shopped this with love for inducing period. Where that idea comes from? Who cares, I am showered with love.

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Asian salad, not an eye candy, but a stomach pleaser! Beef short ribs on the right, two different ways, my way is the best Korean BBQ flavored.

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Wake me up on Sunday! Got this awesome mason jar from Mc Guire’s Irish pub in Destin. Love the food, love the mood, will go again!

Until next time, Love from my little foodie heart! Hope you all have a great great Sunday!

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5.3.15-5.9.15 weekend wrap up—–PMS talk again

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Don’t you adore a bunch of people who would respond and put together such great potluck just after a facebook post? I am in! I am down! Sesame peanut noodles, Dal with rice, beet green salad, baked beans and more! One more incident that I realize that Indian food doesn’t agree with my stomach even though I really don’t want to agree with that!!!

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Boyfriend made me this noodle, I love me some noodles! For every dish you eat, you get the food taste and the hand taste, hand taste just means the love and preparation that the person put into making the dish. Everytime JB cooks, I love love love it! Especially noodles! My kind of comfort food.

Tried this banana bread with coconut oil, I had to say, nothing beats butter. Everything Butta, please.

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Florida flowers. On my walk to school. Scientific research says that walking instead of driving to work promotes sense of well being. Well it works for me at least! I would listen to Endurance Planet and other bunch of podcast as I walk, some are so hilarious. And I like to learn more about my running.

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Going to dump so many slides. This week I went through so many. I did RNA FISH non stop.3 times of 6 slides all the way. And the best part is I have to check them under fluorescent scope in the dark room–which we call the dungeon. At first you are cool with yourself listening to music and everything in that little dark room, but then it gets ugly. You don’t even enjoy the music anymore. Oh, There is a limit of slides that I can do in a week, last time I tried, I did 20 slides in one sitting, lead to a mental breakdown—which means crying out with no obvious other reasons. This time with 18 slides at hand, it happened again. Especially when your friends are all on vacation and you the one that has to work on a TGIF!! And it is combined with PMS! Do I have to say more?

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Had this snicker bite size that has been lying in my drawer for ages. I really don’t have much incentive to eat it if I am not in PMS mode. But sweets are not that sweet during PMS. As is the same with the ice cream. 3 flavors in one bowl, how about that!

Well, I am a gal that counts days for my period. Yesterday it is already 30 days and I might get a little anxious. Looking back at this week, I was REALLY TIRED. I did manage to convince myself onto the treadmill for 10 miles during the week but that’s it. Body says I can’t handle more. One thing might be that I have been working during the weekends standing on my feet the whole 10 hours, and with that holy-gracious-yummy-iced-coffee, I didn’t really get much sleep. I realize that I start waking up earlier after I started using coffee. So I did cut back on that this week and tried a few tricks of better sleep. No electronics allowed in the bedroom and dim light and such. Only coffee that I had is a free Starbucks iced latte. It was good.

One thing I should probably avoid is ice cold water. I have been drinking more water lately and mostly from the drinking fountain in the building and it is COLD.

PMS definitely getting its groove on. During training weeks, I didn’t even care to have one more spoonful of ice cream, coz the ones that I have in my freezer are too sweet. But not on a PMS! I really do feel that I want to eat them, so there you have it. I tell myself not to stress and fuss about this whole PMS thing, but I mean snickers, granola, ice cream, that’s a lot.

Anyhow, May starts a little rough for me. Let’s make it better.

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PMS means let’s carbo-load.

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What’s better than Coffee and Donuts? More Donuts please! The iced coffee literally makes me so happy!!!!!! No brand Iced Coffee rocks!

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One cake donut and one sugar raised.

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Had to bake with my sourdough culture! Added coconut oil, oh so fragrant!

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Little mushroom shooting off after the rain. My cauliflower flame!

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Homemade banana bread rocks! My way of chilling by the pool!

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Pork ribs stew, oh I love me some good stew!!! Drink all of it!!!

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Got a free drink from Starbucks. Next time I will order iced coffee not latte.

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Look at our fancy gym room! Staff that I haven’t even seen before!

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Me after a supposed-to-be-easy-but-felt-so-hard 5 mile run. PMS definitely kicking in.

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Oh that shrimp! and red onion fried egg!

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Got to bring this baby to potluck today.

From runningwithrosiek on Instagram:

Acknowledge how far you’ve come and the changes you’ve made inside and out, whether they seem small or not because they are all adding up to something much bigger.

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Do’nut worry, be Happy—–My journey from binge eating to intuitive eating

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I got these two beautiful donuts from a local donut shop, they make their donuts fresh everyday. Red velvet caky one and a snickers yeast donut. JB likes them. I have to say when I taste the red velvet I can’t really tell what flavor that is, it just tastes like donut, maybe it is form the frosting. I really like the flaming red color! Snickers one, doesn’t that look great! Oh all that crushed nuts on there!

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I also got a medium iced coffee. Hands down my favorite iced coffee. First sight love. See I love this no brand iced coffee from a local store. This donut shop also has T-shirts that they sell that says ” Do’nut worry, be Happy”.

I really want to take the time and reflect on my weight loss/fitness/recovery from binge eating journey.

When I came down here to Tallahassee, I weighed myself to 170lb. Now I am a 140lb.

In 2013, I was losing a lot of that “superfacial” weight, I would guess mostly water by running almost everyday on the school track on a hooot summer day. I remembered restricting my diet and also clearly about my binge eating. I would eat 3 bagels with PB on top after my breakfast. I would put PB on Nilla and eat a whole bunch, I would finish up a bag of Cheezit in 2 sitting. Mostly my binge eating happens in the morning when my boyfriend is still asleep as I was doing the morning exercise. I cried a lot back then. When I binge I find everything in sight, bars, chocolates, fruits, dates, yogurt. I don’t even enjoy eating them. Although I was having progress in losing weight, I did really struggle with binge eating almost every other week and I was having issues with not getting periods on time. I crave oily Chinese buffets and pizza, a lot. I think it is because of the deprivation.

In 2014, I started off again after I rested for a while to get my period back on track and I started training for a 5K in the department. I was my first race experience ever. I ended up finishing 31’50”. My friend and I decided to go for a half marathon after this in NOLA in November, so 2014 is just prepping for the half. I was doing 2 times exercise every day. Workouts to videos like Insanity or T25 in the morning, runs around noon or in the afternoon according to my training plan. I was looking lean. Many people told me that I am shedding a lot of weight. And just around September, I joined a chatting group and they really advocate eating well, not depriving yourself, and taking care of yourself, and not screwing up your periods. They advocate doing things slow, they are anti-nofoodbeforehand-cardio. This concept is new to me and I quickly let that sink in. I started EATING A LOT. All sort of healthy though, I have extremely big breakfasts, but the good thing is I am not craving that much, not really anything coz I was getting a lot of food from my meals, and I have a perfect excuse to eat more since I was also lifting weights. The half marathon in November was a blast, after that all I remember is misery. Coz there are friends who say that I am getting fatter and I literally hadn’t stopped exercise or anything, it was just that I was eating too much. And as I look back, winter time sure is a time prone for fear and regret and self-loathing, especially combined with an after-race-blue. Suddenly the goal in my life disappeared and with the year ending, I wasn’t happy with myself, though I know I really have accomplished something big, a half marathon, and much less frequent binge eating episodes. Anyway 2014 started off quite well, but ended on a bad note.

In 2015, I shook it off start from the beginning. Started back to running. Decided to go for a marathon. Started the training, learned more about marathon training, fueling my body, and slowly converting to a vegetarian. I am feeling good, for once in my life, I started to care about my own opinions. I put on a dress on my birthday, I wasn’t going to, but JB insisted coz he likes it. Then I didn’t really get good feedback from other friends but WTH, I don’t care, or better way to put it: I Shouldn’t care. I tried to convince myself on this. The fact is I have lost 10 pounds, but who knows, only you yourself knows and my dear JB knows what I am going through. I think it is the point after I pay more attention to my feeling after I eat something, I figured it is the meat that is making me sick and heartburn. Then I really started working for a better speed, and with that I also tried finding more information and learning about replenishing my body, how the glycogen works when I do endurance long runs. I can see that I am getting stronger everyday. Last month I ended up with glorious 105 mi in my Nike+, and I am feeling good. I will decide on what to eat and whether to eat it before just going for it. I am eating more veggies, less meat, less diary and this works for me, almost instantly I can see my triceps, before I had to flex so hard to see them, now with less body fat, they are more evident. Big shout out to several things: advanced marathoning, the oatmeal.

I am not sure what is to come next, but I am a little more confident now that I have seen both worlds. Now I have more faith in what I can achieve, it is in my blood, I can feel it. Let’s see how this goes.

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OK so lot of hands spotted!

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So this is how my banana bread turned out to be, my friends always trade food!  Aren’t those cookies so cute! My little girlfriend made this! It literally melts in your mouth!

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So since I have decided that I want to do my long runs on Friday, Friday becomes more exciting. I decided to finally get my hands on making my own Frappucino, well, the consistency is a little to watery, I guess I will use less milk and more ice cubes. I also put a scoop of coffee icecream in there!! And Nutella! Ended up needing more sweetness so I added agave and shak’em up. Then with the oh-so-good banana bread, I am off to the game!

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My friends at work went together to an Indian restaurant, which is approved by our beloved Indian lab mate, to celebrate my birthday. Look at the size of the menu!!! Well as you can probably tell the hand on the right isn’t mine, my friend got this amazing colored nails!

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This is what I got, Veggie Kurma, I really want some veggies for my long run recovery, and this is what I’ve got. Totally saw Curry leaves for the first time! It was a great time, but I felt bad that even 3 of my fiends ordered mild, it seems like they are served with some spicy spicy food that one looks like he is dying, another didn’t really eat it, and my boyfriend took the gut to jug down the whole thing. Today in the morning after I woke up I still feel the Indian Spices in my stomach.

On my hands are some special snacks brought from India by an Indian friend. She swore by it to help with digestion, she asked for 4 packets and her mom sent her 30 of them! It is fried and coated with salt and it only has an Indian name that I can’t remember and we decided to call it “no idea”, “oh I have no idea, do you want some?” Totally cracks me.

So the 12 miler was great, 5.3mi/h, had 1 GU before run, 2 GUs during run. OJ after run, Broccoli for lunch, then coconut water for electrolytes. I was doing experiments the whole morning before a conference call, then went for the long run around 1 without lunch, not sure whether I still feel the coffee from morning. I definitely added too much instant coffee to my Frappe, I literally feel my hands shake a little bit and feeling high.

Now I didn’t mean to, but really everyone is asking me about the long run… I didn’t mean to! I just told Sunny about this because I was feeling more intimate and want to share my excitement about running, and Emily spotted me before my run and asked about it and then when we arrived at the restaurant, everyone knows. Now I am a little freak who tries to run the hell out of herself. Well I guess I will be that little freak happily.

Long runs are my favorite workouts, for now.